The Sex That Women Want When It’s Costing Them $400 an Hour
8 surprising things you can learn from male escorts
BY ALISON BONAGURO, OCTOBER 18, 2014
When a woman is paying for an orgasm, there’s really no faking it.
Forget your preconceptions and moral biases for or against prostitution. We’re talking simple supply and demand. If a girl is handing a male escort an envelope full of $100 bills, she’s not going to pretend the earth moved. She’s going to demand it. Her weak knees will be the sign of a job well done.
Things can be a little less clear for the rest of us. While we hope that our partners are being open and honest with us, the majority of women are speeding things up with fauxgasms at least some of the time, says Dr. Kim Wallen, Ph.D., a Behavioral Neuroendocrinologist at Emory University.
Wallen has seen studies that suggest more than half of all women’s orgasms are fakes. “The average incidence of sex that results in orgasm in heterosexual women is 75 percent, but that includes all types of sex, including oral sex,” he says, adding that oral sex brought those numbers up because of clitoral stimulation.
So, science says, there may be room for improvement. And who better to guide us through the murky waters of the female orgasm than a male escort?
We asked a handful of straight male escorts, from the U.S. to Australia (where escorts-for-hire are legal), about what keeps their customers coming, and coming back.
1. Work on Your Massage Skills
Believe it or not, massage is the number one request made to male escorts; sometimes erotic, sometimes non-erotic. Either way, if your idea of a massage is an absent-minded back-scratching, you need to up your game. If you haven’t done it recently, get a massage from a professional therapist, just to remind yourself what’s involved in a really good one.
2. The Power of Kissing
Nothing turns on a woman more than a solid make-out session. Kissing is like the foreplay to foreplay. But when you’re trying to get past first base, keep the kisses coming. And coming. Gabriel Lamur, an Italian escort working in Sydney, Australia, told us that kisses should not be limited to a woman’s lips. “Kissing all the parts of her body is what most clients want,” he said. Kisses up and down her back, inside her thighs, the tips of her fingers: those are the turn-ons that will eventually take the sex up a notch.
3. Your Orgasm Isn’t the Main Attraction
Male escorts don’t go into a job expecting to orgasm. If it happens, it happens. But that’s not what he’s GETTING PAID FOR, unless his client specifically requests it. The next time you have sex, try this approach. Take the spotlight off yourself and shift it to her. We’re not saying you can’t come; just don’t make it the priority. Focus solely on her climax.
4. Trim It Like a Porn Star
Grooming yourself down there demonstrates that you’re doing everything you can to look sexy for her. You may not get rock-hard abs or a tight ass overnight, but you can manscape in the shower. A few escorts we talked to recommended INVESTING in a $50 Braun cruZer6 body trimmer, because it’s safe for everything inside your underwear.
5. Foreplay Matters
This should be obvious, but it’s worth repeating. Assuming a woman is paying for an escort’s minimum (usually two hours), and there won’t be a need for any pillow talk after the sex (because let’s face it, they’re strangers), that means at least an hour and a half of that time is foreplay. This paid-in-full foreplay is more about getting her ready than making sure the guy’s dick is hard. Think about that if you ever find yourself thinking, “10 minutes of foreplay should be fine.”
6. Match Her Game
If she’s talking dirty, then you should talk back dirty. If she’s quiet and shy, then follow her lead. Escorts agree that the outcome is best for her if they pick up on her verbal cues and play along. (Unless she’s trying to live out some kind of sweet-shy-girl-meets-dominant-douche-bag fantasy.)
7. Match Her Kink
Say there is a spectrum of kink, and she’s on one end. You don’t want to be at the other end, even though it’s common for male escorts to have a very long list of oh-my-God-people-really-want-that services they’d provide if asked. Our panel of escorts agree that women tend to have a kink threshold—maybe handcuffs and anal play, but no more than that—so you have to make sure you don’t go past that. In other words, if she’s asking for the Boyfriend Experience, don’t give her the Christian Grey Experience.
8. There’s No “I” In “Sex”
You can come alone, but you can’t have actual sex by yourself. It takes two. (And sometimes, more.) One American escort summed up the coupling experience with this: “It turns into a relationship,” he said, “even if it’s only for one night.” So think of every sexual encounter as time for the two of you to communicate, compromise, and come together. The sex isn’t just part of a relationship. It can be its own relationship. And that’s a lesson that will pay off beyond the bedroom.